Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Finally a 2014 Paper Mom update

You know it has been awhile when you have to try a few combinations of user name and password to actually get into your blog.  I've started way too many blog posts with apologies and hopeful wishes for more time to write and post, these are usually empty promises because our life simply moves too fast.  The funny thing about this blog is... I feel it, it's in my heart and my thoughts most days and I know writing it and reflecting on it over the past many years has brought me peace and joy.  So here I write at yet another cross roads.

Life presented a few challenges as 2013 came to a close.  Challenges that make you pause and force you to focus.  I won't bore you with all the details but it starts and ends with a few days of "unexplained double vision"  what double vision has made me see so CLEARLY is that without good health and the love of family one can be lost and a bit out of sorts.  I admit, there were days that I had no focus because suddenly I panicked realizing  that I am the day-to-day glue for our family of 7, glue that keeps kids on a schedule, ensures homework is done, the glue that traditionally gets dinner on the table, the glue that thinks of work details, has vision for work projects, and works with with many to make it all happen.  I am the glue that makes sure uniforms are clean and christmas presents are bought, wrapped and perfect.  The funny thing about all this glue and realization is - I had to learn to depend on others with grace when all I  really I wanted to do was fly out of bed and drive with squinting eyes, drop the kids at appointments and write the reports and letters and move the chairs for the big event.  I wasn't sure how to slow down.  Ok, I admit to driving home from work with one eye closed in an effort to simply just be okay.   For the first time I thought about my purpose on this planet, what I needed my kids to know about life. It was the first time in my 43 years on this earth that I thought about the "what ifs".   It was really scary and threw me off track!   Paper peeps, take if from me,  it's not about being the glue in all situations, sure we all have responsibilities but it's about being a loving, engaged force of good and grace.

The great thing about the human spirit is...FAITH.    With the new year, I have consciously focused on inner peace, family, friends, work, goals and what's next.  Even practicing yoga and meditation. It's a process and I am learning.  I am eager to know more.  I am lucky.  When I speak of being the glue, the cool thing about my life and my glue is I have a better half, the World's Greatest Husband is my personal glue and  he hasn't skipped a beat.  He sticks by me (get it? glue) I love that guy so much..

This week has presented another challenge, a post lumbar puncture headache that has totally shocked me. I really didn't think I would be one of the 40% that would suffer with this.  But once again, I will focus on a small victory -  it has pushed me to reflect and write a post on this blog.... it's been too long.   The positive? maybe a few days of down time has made me realize that writing regularly makes me a better mom, step-mo, wife, daughter, friend and fundraiser.  Seriously no promises - - - But I've missed my regular readers.  I hope you feel the love.

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