A Secret

I Came home with a new look last night.  It involved scissors, a razor and a brave heart.  YIKES!  My kids screamed and ran under the kitchen table (I didn’t find that to be amusing) and my husband said I look younger but didn’t announce a real compliment until hours later…. Check out the new look (my professional 6 year old photographer took the picture, l love that kid!)

Are you sitting down? I have a secret…. Ready?

I miss working full time.  I know that sounds crazy to any mom who is running around like a crazy woman, but here me out.  As a part time professional and full time mommy,  I have my hands into too many things… As much as I appreciate a part time schedule it makes everything an opportunity.  I try to attend every important work event and meeting outside my scheduled part time hours because I want to be flexible and part of the team.   I try to attend every single kid event because I “only” work part time and feel the pressure to always be available to the school, the club, the team, to be flexible and support my kids…  I am acutely aware of time.  I know we all are but when I was at work at 8:30 and home for 5:00 I only had one place to be, of course with appointments and meetings I had my eye on the clock but it wasn’t about rushing out the door to meet the bus, carpool, visit the school, drop off, pick up etc.  I don’t want to sound like I wasn’t available or able to participate in school activities because  as a full time worker, I did participate, but I did it on a more limited basis, I did it on my time and on my terms not because I was the "part timer" who is always available.  I also had many days where I was pulling out my hair trying to manage it all. Being a part time professional some how has allowed me to become out of control with time, trying to be all things to all people….Not to mention,  I’ve missed having that professional stimulation all day long.  It was my “me” time that I swear makes me a better mother.  So to some of my readers, I am sure you are saying what the heck is this Paper Mom’s problem???? And maybe it is just the day and time of month that has me writing this way – part time also has a few perks that I am willing to acknowledge (a morning routine that allows for a blog!)  Another important point of interest is:  I know I am able to allow myself to miss full time work because we seriously do have the most amazing child care provider in our life.  I know that makes a difference.  Her willingness to help us and love our kids has always freed me from motherly worry that sometimes stifles full time professional creativity.  As moms and professionals we are only as good as our child care provider.

So there you have it… today, I miss working full time.  I know my part time gig isn’t forever and full time maybe closer than I think… I guess mentally, I am ready.

Today is Thursday, our crazy day!  I hope you are having a good one!